I’d like to start off with an apology, I’ve been MIA lately. It’s just been several weeks where I’ve wandered through the motions, gone about my day, feeling emptier and emptier inside. I do apologize to my parents, friends and most importantly my girlfriend; I haven’t been 100% here and now these past weeks.
It’s been three months since I got laid off and I’m getting restless, anxious and depressed about it. I figured I’d have it all figured out and working by now, but I haven’t and I don’t. I’ve sent out countless resumes to no answer and the few that did answer I didn’t pass the interview stages. Most of the time I feel like I don’t know where to start, or where the middle is, just what I’d like the outcome to be.
Lately I’ve Just Been Going Thru The Motions
Wake up, bowl of oatmeal, read the news; get depressed from the news. Fidget around with the bike on the stand. Go back to the computer, read useless time consuming sites, waste time on social media. Eat lunch, feeling down since I’ve done nothing. Go to LinkedIn search for jobs, filter and apply. Scheme about what I’m going to do on my own to earn money. Go for a quick ride, shower. By then three quarters of the day is done and I’m left with the only thing cheering me up; picking my girlfriend up from the gym, going out to dinner and hanging out. That’s by far my greatest daily highlight, and even then I managed to royally screw that one up.
On my last day at work, my manager told me to go out and chase my passion. He told me that where I was wasn’t for me. It’s honestly been quite hard finding the traction to get this passion continuously going. It’s been hard shifting from a comfortable corporate life to the unknown, and it’s honestly scary and depressing. I know where that passion is; in bikes and mountain biking. I know what I am passionate about: geeking out on bikes, and riding bikes as much as possible. All I’m missing is a way to make it a living out of it. I just need to work my way out if this rut and keep the momentum going. After all, life and mountain biking are identical. In that there’s fun parts and hard parts. Some folks get help with shuttle rides, other have to pedal hard to the top.
Get Out And Do Epic!
So, paraphrasing fizzle.co‘s “Write Epic Shit,” I need to find a way to DO epic things, so I can write about epic things. This preaching and writing sitting down, is not good, and it’s not getting me anywhere. I’m not giving up on blogging and writing in any way or form. Blogging has been wonderfully therapeutic for me. However, I need to DO. It’s what I’m missing. I’ve been hanging around to passively just waiting for things to happen and it’s hard to get moving along. Hard to get the bike rolling while feeling depressed. I have a list of rides I want to do, bike things I want to geek out on, and I’m shifting my focus to that.
The great thing about writing and putting things down on paper (or Pages, or Word) is that you can see clearly where your shortcomings are. Now that I see that I’m being to passive and just floating by, I can try and move forward by doing. Eliminating self imposed bumps from the road.
So here’s where I’m going: the bike industry. Whether it be by myself or working with a company. I know that’s where I want to be, and I will make it there. Being epic every single step of the way. I just have to remember what an old poster I had on the wall said: “Sometimes it’s not where you’re going that counts, sometimes it’s how you get there.”